it’s back. it’s sort of like it never left, but i guess its just getting difficult for me to maintain this normalcy that other people have, that i should have. i can’t work this hard at being normal right now, i just cant. it’s so difficult every day and i just dont have the energy for it. i get so mad at myself after i eat food, and i always feel sick to my stomach whenever i eat. its awful. its not like i want to be that way, but its like i cant help it at all. starving myself shouldn’t make me feel better, but it does, and i resent my own mind for it. telling me i shouldnt think this way won’t help me, because i tell myself that all the time. its like ive lost control, the one thing i need the most, but i find it again everytime i give in to these thoughts.
eating disorders are not a choice.